Interview with the powers that be

 Transcription of the imaginary interview with Batangas City Mayor Eddie Dimacuha (EBD), Mayor Vilma Abaya-Dimacuha, (VAD), Reginald Dimacuha (RD), Marvey Marino (Marvey) and Eloisa Portugal (Eloisa)

Venue: Batangas City Mayor’s Office
Menu: VAD’s favourite hamburger

Bading: Good morning po, thank you for accommodating me for this once in a…

RD: Hayop ka! Ikaw pala yun! Sana di na kita binigyan ng item! Hudas kang bakla ka!

EBD: Negotiate na lang tayo.  Delete mo yung blog mo at bigyan kita ng P1 million

VAD:  Oy mali yung photo mo, dapat hamburger ang kinakain ko, hindi yung naka kutsara pa!

Eloisa:  kapag naman may post ka about me, piliin mo naman yung mukhang slim ako

Marvey:  Hindi ako major sa airforce ha? Colonel ako! Colonel!

Bading: Tama naman yung post ko ah? 

Bading: Ok, first question po, total uso naman ngayon ang telenovela ng impeachment kay Chief Justice Corona at laging pinag-uusapan ang SALN, tanong ko po sainyong lahat, alin pong property nyo ang “nakalimutan” nyong ilagay sa SALN nyo?

Ebd: Ah sa kin yung condo na tinitirahan ngayon ni April binigay ko na kaya wala yun sa SALN ko.

RD: What? Dad? Bakit mo binigay yung condo ko sa pokpok na yun! Ano ka ba? Sa kin yun, ako bumili 

nun! No way! (sinugod si ebd, nagsampalan, kurutan, at sabunutan)

Bading: Aba, Mayora, nag-aaway na sila, baka gusto nyong awatin?

VAD: Hayaan mo sila, kumakain pa ko ng hamburger

Bading: Eloisa, ikaw, di ka aawat?

Eloisa: Bayaran muna nila ko

Bading: Eh ikaw Marvey awatin mo kaya byenan at bayaw mo?

Marvey: Correction, hipag ko si RD. Awatin sila? Mahirap kayang mang-awat ng dalawang nag-aaway na bakla! Wait lang, call ko lang airforce!

Dumating ang Airforce 740^th Combat Group para awatin sina RD at EBD. Finally, kalmado na ulit sila.

Bading: Tuloy na po natin ang question and answer portion. Light question naman po tayo. What is your favourite fruit?

EBD: April’s fruit

VAD: Hamburger

Bading: Fruit ba ang hamburger?

VAD: Eh mayor kaya ako ditto, pag sinabi kong fruit ang hamburger, fruit ang hamburger! What am I in 

power for kung di ko magagawang  fruit ang hamburger?

Bading: Ok Mayora, may point ka dyan, kung san ka Masaya…

RD: The biggest Cavendish banana and chico?

Bading: Ha? Why chico?

RD: Mamaya malalaman mo rin (sabay wink)

Eloisa: Balimbing of course

Marvey:  Gusto ko pineapple para maraming kita

Bading: Ok, next question: What is your favourite bread?

EBD:  Monay ni April

VAD: Hamburger

RD: Spanish bread na malaki

Eloisa: Cemented bread

Marvey: Bread as in pera, datung, atik, money!

Bading:  What is your favorite drink po?

EBD:  Kahit ano basta galing kay April. Pwede ring April’s dew. Hehehe

VAD: Kahit ano na bagay sa hamburger.

RD:  Blow job sa Chicos Bar. Now you know kung bakit favorito ko ang chico! Hahahaha!

Marvey: Kahit ano basta makakalimutan ko byenan ko.

Eloisa: Balimbing juice.

Bading : Malapit na po ang Holy Week. What do you plan to give up this Holy Week?

EBD: Siguro si April.

VAD: Siguro hamburger.

RD: Give up ko  muna blow job.

Marvey: Byenan ko, pati hipag.

Eloisa: Di muna manghihingi ng semento.

Bading: Ano naman po plano nyo this election?

EBD: Syempre tatakbo ako ulit for mayor!

VAD: Pag di napabalik ang wedding ring na ninakaw ni April, ako ang tatakbong mayor! Laban ka?  (Tingin ng matalim kay EBD.)

Marvey: Pag nabenta namin ni RD yung katabing lupa sa grand terminal, kakandidato akong congressman laban sa poging poging si Christopher de Leon.  Pag wala siyang p50 million na budget, matatalo ko sya! Magkano lang ba ang boto at Comelec?

RD: Magpapahinga na muna ko. Nakakasira kasi ng love life ang ganitong trabaho.

Eloisa: Syempre, binayaran na ko ni EBD para maging vice mayor nya, kaya tatakbo akong vice mayor. I’m proud to announce that the price is sooo right!

Bading: Last question po, ano po ang balak nyong gawin ngayong alam nyo ka kung sino ako?

RD: You are sooo fired!

EBD: RD cool ka lang. Bading mag-negotiate tayo, delete mo na ang blog ko, bigyan kita ng P1 million. Kung ayaw mo naman eh samahan mo na lang sa kanyang libingan si Turing.

Bading: Hah? You mean dead na nga talaga si Turing?

VAD: Bading, tigilan mo na ang paninira sa kapamilya mo, bigyan na lang kita ng hamburger.

Marvey: Ngayong alam ko na kung sino ka, mga brods ko na lang sa air force ang bahala sa yo.

Eloisa: Parang gusto kong magpasemento ng bakla!

---End of transcription---

This was the last time Bading’s clone was seen. He was declared fired in his office at the city hall. The airforce accidentally took care of his cemented body. The cement was donated by  Eloisa from Fortune cement.

Reminder: Clone lang yun ni Bading.

BOW!

Who’s the Date? Sino ang Yari!

   Say it isn’t so...

Spotted at the Bryan McNight Concert last Friday night was April Tolentino!  With a date!  At naka-abrisyete pa! So sweet naman!

   H.H.W.W.! As in Holding Hands While Walking!  At in public pa ha!

   I wonder who her date is.  Does Mayora Vilma A. Dimacuha  know where her husband Eddie Dimacuha was? On Friday night? Is EBD the one dating April?  OR NOT???

   We all know and its open secret at the Batangas City Hall that EBD is keeping April on a retainer fee (a.k.a. sustento to the tune of P50,000 a month just to live in his condo in Makati and “be ready for him anytime”).  

   And the talks within the city hall complex among giggling employees is that April has been on that “retainer” and “always ready” status since 2007 when she and her husband started fighting. 

   April would always seek the counsel of her wedding ninong,  EBD  then.  As expected, with EBD as marriage counsel, the marriage disintegrated and April separated from her husband. 

Later  on, sina EBD at April na pala  ang  M.U.!  As in Mag-Un!

  And the question of the week is :  So who was April’s date during the Bryan McNight concert?  Hulaan nyo! 

   If it’s EBD, yari sya kay Mayora.  Does VAD even keep tab of her husband’s whereabouts?  What is she in power for if she doesn’t know where her husband plays or watches concerts and with whom? If its EBD, yari sya kay Mayora!

   If it’s not EBD, as in if the date is not Eddie,  yari si April!  Bokya na nga nung Valentines nung manakaw ang wedding ring, Eto Bastusan na Dito,  nasalisihan pa! If it's not EBD, yari si April!

  Sino ang date ni April?  Hulaaan!!!!

Robinsons Place Danger Zone

   As of this week, another victim of the Batangas Grand Terminal was injured, the third since it opened last December.

   Last Monday, 14 year old Emma from Banaba, was hit by a car while crossing the highway! The HIGHWAY!  According to Land Transportation Franchising and Regulatory Board, public terminals are not supposed to be placed near a busy street to ensure the safety of commuters.

   The Grand Terminal is situated not only on a busy street! IT’S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY!

Emma is just the third victim of the killer highway since the grand terminal started. Last January, a male commuter was killed when he was hit by a truck while crossing the highway.

   Last February, a member of the TDRO was rushed to the hospital when he was hit by a  speeding car. Emma is the third victim of the dangerous terminal.

Situated in the Diversion Road, the grand terminal is just beside the 5-hectare land that Mayor Vilma Dimacuha’s son RD and son-in-law Marvey Mariño are selling to the Gokongweis.

   The Gokongweis are planning to put up the Robinson’s mall there, in the middle of the diversion road.

   One of Robinson’s considerations to put up a mall is that the place should be a commercial area and frequented by people, that’s why RD and Marvey wants all the people to go to the grand terminal, no matter how far it is. No matter how out of way it is.

   NO MATTER HOW DANGEROUS IT IS.  Hence the first and only ROBINSONS PLACE DANGER ZONE!  

   Wanna go shop? And die? This version of Robinsons surely doesn’t need the SAWA to scare people.  It’s already deadly in the danger zone!!!!!!

   Marvey, who is planning to run for congressman, would certainly get more than P50 Million in the deal with Robinsons.  RD would get more than  P50 Million too from the sale of the land.

   For now, Marvey’s challenge to any politician who want to run as congressman in the next election is to top his more than P50 Million budget in the election campaigns to buy votes from people who don’t even know Marvey exists.

   If Marvey wins, it would look like we were twice victims of his scam—he got his money for using people and exposing them to danger and will use that money to buy votes from people who he will use again to get more government funds.

   The Dimacuha political dynasty has been fooling the Batanguenos since 1988.  Now they are not just fooling, but also putting us in danger.

For now, three people have been hurt in the terminal in the middle of a danger zone.

Until when are we going to wait until one more gets hurt? Or killed?

Death of Principles-The Balimbing Chronicles

    The Chronicles of the Balimbings who chose money over principles.  The daughter of what used to be the strongest opposition of  the Dimacuha Political Dynasty is now the runningmate of Eddie Dimacuha.  Where have all the principles gone? Look up! It's all about the money!

   With the new political line-up that former batangas city mayor Eddie B. Dimacuha (EBD) created for the next election, he has already chosen his runningmate, none other than his second choice, councillor Eloisa Angela D. Portugal.

      Eloisa’s maiden name De Loyola reminds all of us of her family’s fight against the Dimacuhas during the 90’s  and up to 2001 elections where they claim that her father, the now Second District Board Member Florencio De Loyola won as mayor, but lost and was CHEATED.

   By whom? By the Dimacuha political dynasty who they claim has already perfected the art of ELECTION CHEATING!

    Historically, it was De Loyola who was the staunch opposition against the Dimacuha political dynasty, and was the strongest one.  

   Who could forget how the De Loyolas accused EBD of foul accusations like “MAGNANAKAW!”(thief), “MAMAMATAY-TAO!” (murderer), “IMMORAL!” and many other curse words!

   The De Loyolas, including Eloisa even used to light candles for the Dimacuhas, even if they are still alive, as a sign of protest in the election result that says her father lost.

   But sometimes, losers have this twisted idea: IF YOU CAN’T BEAT THEM, JOIN THEM!

   And so, Florencio did a complete turn-around, embraced the balimbing mentality, and joined EBD’s party that got himself elected in 2004 as board member.  And his daughter Eloisa followed his footsteps

   Sa mata ng anak, ang ginawa ng ama, kahit maling-mali at hinuhubaran na sya ng prinsipyo, tama na rin!

   In the eyes of the daughter, what her father does, even if it is wrong and unprincipled, is still right. RIGHT?

   But Eloisa proved that he can even outdo his father’s balimbing attitude when it comes to Balimbingan galore!

   Even if she knew that she was only EBD’s second choice and the first choice for running mate is really Doc Jun Berberabe, who turned down EBD’s offer, Eloisa still said yes to be EBD’s vice mayoral candidate.

   Why?  Again, ask her father.  When money talks, the pretentious principles go out of the window. Kapag pera-pera na ang usapan, goodbye na sa prinsipyo.

   How can she perform as vice mayor when we already know that she and her family can be bought?

   It’s all about the money! They chose the money  over her principles.  

   Why should we choose her as a leader? Baka pati tayo ibenta nya!

Laging Busog

   This season of Lent, over eating, eating too much, and doing nothing but eat, eat, eat is a real sin.  That means Batangas City Mayor VAD should really reconsider her options this Lent because she has been doing nothing but eat.

   This is something that the people should really know: Meetings with mayor VAD means the people she meets  talk, discuss, present their proposals, and ask VAD questions.

   What does VAD do?  Eat, eat and eat. Kaya pala laging mukhang busog.

   Di man lang nahihiya sa mga ka-meeting na executives and politicians from other places.

   In one meeting with corporate executives of a big corporation based in manila with manufacturing plant in Batangas city, Mayor VAD sat at the conference table beside RD.

   Before they even started the morning prayer, and to everybody’s surprise, (except for RD, sanay na eh) VAD started eating the hamburgers on the table, took the diet coke in can and gulped!  And took another hamburger and ate.  She went on and on, eating and eating until the end of the meeting.

   When an executive asked her a question, VAD just ignores those and just keeps on eating and eating and eating.

   So who answers the questions?

   Sino pa eh di walang iba kundi si RD Dimacuha! That is the reason why is city is going nuts! 

   The mayor just eats and let her son do the talking and deciding!

Mayor,  Lent  naman ngayon, baka pwedeng mag-fasting ka muna and reflect on what’s going on in Batangas city.

   Habang kain ka ng kain, maraming nagugutom na pamilya ng mga drivers na nawalan ng kita dahil sa traffic rerouting na inimplement ng anak at manugang mo. Na gusto lang kumita ng milyones, di bale na ang mga pamilyang nagugutom.

  Maybe, just maybe, if you do some fasting, maybe you’re brain will finally function right. It’s Lent naman, maybe you can do that for a change.  Di ka pa mabibilaukan!

   Instead of eating, start thinking. Hindi naman masakit mag-isip eh.